I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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