alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
