im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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