My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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