I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
