I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
