dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
