so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
zippers are such a cool invention
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
