Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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