they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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