In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
