she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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