this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
