omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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