Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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