I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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