wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
