the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
