she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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