Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You don't make any sense
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