I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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