so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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