3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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