I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
worst night to have a conscience
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
