then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
