your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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