Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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