She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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