so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
