R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
