I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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