Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
please come you make the beer taste better
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
