She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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