sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
