Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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