Ambien. No doubt about it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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