Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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