I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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