Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
