After last night, I could never be a politician.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
