i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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