if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just gift wrapped bread.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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