So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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