IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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