I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
