im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
