I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
