so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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