im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize