My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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