I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
