she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
