Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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