And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
