Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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