and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
