I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize