i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
