Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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