she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
