omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
